


Out of the Closet and Into the Fire

by ignition



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Humor, Friendship, Humor, Karasuno, M/M, Miscommunication, Romance, Sexual Tension, Teen Romance, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignition/pseuds/ignition
Summary: Tsukishima Kei isn't too good with emotions, that's true, but he's simply going to have to face up to that now, right? He refuses to be as pathetic as his brother, and keep silent on the matter. No, he's going to tell everyone. How hard can it be, it's just two words: "I'm gay".Piece of cake, right? Right?
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 15
Kudos: 149





	Out of the Closet and Into the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd round up this cute bantery one shot today and accidentally slapped some 3500 words of emotional wreckage onto it, and that's how my day is going. What's up?
> 
> On another note, I am still alive and wondering how to fanfic.

It’s not something they talk about. Not because it’s not something they haven’t thought about, communicated or acknowledged with meaning eyes and knowing twists of their mouths. It’s because they both know that nothing will come of it. There’s nothing to be done about it, so why even give it the time of day.

Tadashi would probably like to talk about it, knowing him. But he knows Kei just as well as Kei knows him. So they don’t. Silence is a blessed thing, but it weighs upon them all the same. Carefully stepping around topics that are to be avoided, making sure to not venture into unknown pastures. Kei, being the one who speaks less of the two, doesn’t struggle a lot with it, but Tadashi, bright and positive as he is, clearly is having a harder time with it. Life is school and volleyball, and their friendship of course, but that’s not really a topic they talk about either. It’s already established, and so is a moot point. Nothing to discuss or really delve into.

Kei’s not good with emotions, is the thing. Wishes he could blame his brother for it, but knows that he had trouble with it before. It was never his strong point.So now, he has to wrestle with both his feelings and trust issues instead.

—

Regardless of Kei’s feelings on it, it becomes obvious that he can’t ignore it for all of eternity. Hit fate is written into cocky smirks and raised eyebrows questioning his very being. That he can’t hide from himself any longer becomes apparent in the way his cheeks heat and his heart beats faster by _his_ mere presence.

It’s just a matter of time. Kei knows it. But it’s not all bad.

By falling in love, he realises that there’s a nice weight to it. To knowing that he can’t come up with any excuses anymore. He’s changed. Unwittingly and unwillingly. But changed nonetheless. It’s sort of gross, how light he can feel at times, how the mere existence of butterflies in his gut has him grimacing to not allow a smile to fall upon his face. For all that Kei likes to pretend that he doesn’t really care about anything at all, he cares quite a lot about that precise image. Who knows what people would expect from him if he started to smile to the left and right all of a sudden? He’s not keen to find out. So he doesn’t. Does his best to sneer down his nose at each and everyone looking his way instead, and swallows down nerves as he ponders upon his options.

He’s just going to have to figure out how to do it. Open up and come clean.

—

“I don’t have the energy for that,” Akaashi shrugs, wiping sweat from his brow. “It’s enough dealing with his highs and lows, I couldn’t take not being transparent about my feelings.”

“How can you say that you’re transparent about your feelings when he doesn’t have a clue about them?” Except, Kei knows even as he’s asking the question that it should be obvious, Akaashi is nothing but open about it. There’s a sheen of utter exasperation to his eyes, clear shameless and blatant admiration in the tight way he’s holding himself as he’s looking down into his phone, on what Kei knows is his lock screen. Like he’s daring Kei to call it anything but obvious, at the same time as he’s not even looking at him.

“I’m hardly at fault for his stupidity,” Akaashi says, voice tinged with weariness. “The whole team has _bets_ about when and how he’s going to figure it out.”

Kei can only blink at him, not knowing whether to feel bad for Bokuto or laugh at the ridiculousness of such a situation.

Akaashi continues, finally looking up at Kei. “Do you have any idea of how many times I’ve told him I loved him? And how many times the response I’ve gotten in turn has been ‘aw bro’?”

That sounds. Yeah, Kei’s willing to give Akaashi a break. That _does_ sound like complete and utter transparency. Still.

“Have you told him you’re gay?”

“I will drown you in that stupid latte.”

—

“I’m gay.”

Tadashi nods at him. “Yeah, sounds about right.”

“I knew that you knew.”

“Yep, and I knew that you knew that I knew. That’s the reason I’m not beating you up right now.”

“As if you could.”

“I’ve known you since middle school, I know all of your weaknesses.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“Hardly, I don’t have any weaknesses.”

Had Kei been a little more like Tanaka, or maybe Daichi, he’d probably say something about being happy about Tadashi finding some confidence to stitch into his being. He isn’t though, so he decides an acknowledging nod is enough.

They don’t really say anything more about it then, Kei finishing tying his shoelaces and yelling in the direction of the kitchen that he’s leaving. His mother’s response a weak admonition to take it easy and remember to call if it starts raining. Despite there not being a single cloud in the sky. Kei rolls his eyes.

This has been routine for a while, for Tadashi to come over on the weekends and for them to jog or run themselves into shaky legged panting messes before lunch, only to laze the rest of the day away in comfortable silence. It’s good. Enough for Kei to not feel like he’s actually working hard, but also enough to feel like he’s not falling behind. It’s a fine balance. The resting is the best bit though, even if he’d never admit to liking feeling his muscles ache from the strain of past activities.

Twenty minutes or so have passed, their breathing evened out into a set pace, when Tadashi clears his throat and throws Kei a look that has him in turn frown in confusion. Conversation is not advisable when exercising, no matter what ginger headed freaks say about it.

“You know I’m bisexual, right?” Tadashi asks then, forcing Kei to stop running.

“What?”

“Oh, come on.” Tadashi snorts. “I’m so obvious about it.”

“But you drool over girls all the time.”

“Kei, you _know_ the definition of being bisexual. I’m allowed to drool over girls. Actually, it’s a bisexual requirement, and I excel at it. Girls are awesome.”

“You don’t drool over _boys_!”

“Jesus Christ, do you hear yourself? I think that you, as a fellow boy appreciater, knows that drooling over boys in public spaces is frowned upon when you’re a boy yourself.”

“But-“

“Shush! I drool excessively over boys in private, so don’t you worry about my quota.”

“This is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever been part of,” Kei realises, and can’t help but blurt out simultaneously. “And that’s saying something.”

“Cool, let’s make it weirder: I kissed Ennoshita-senpai.”

“You _what!?_ ”

Tadashi just shrugs. “He saw me looking at, ahem, an individual bending over, asked me about it, and I admitted to my sinful life. Then he asked me if he could kiss me, because he wanted to try it.”

“ _He_ asked _you_ if he could kiss you?”

“I know, right? I feel suitably validated.” Tadashi actually grins at this, and throws up his fingers in a peace sign. “So we made out against a wall for a bit, and then he admitted _his_ sinful life of needing experimentation to figure himself out.”

“E-experimentation?” Kei stutters out, feeling his cheeks blossoming.

Thankfully, Tadashi does the same when he turns to frown at Kei. “The kiss was the experimentation; get your mind out of the gutter, you creep!”

—

Kei takes a deep breath. Frowns at the necessity of it, and then knocks on the door. He opens it too, the knock only a warning of his presence than an actual inquiry of entrance. Unable to really look at his brother, Kei stares at the floor at his feet instead.

Another deep breath gives him enough strength to realise that’s stupid, so he looks up, in defiance, making sure his face is giving nothing away. His hand is still attached to the door handle, his feet only having managed one forward shuffle before stopping. Akiteru is looking back at him, face open, accepting, curious. Managing to be so much that Kei could never. He’s both jealous and disgusted.

“I just felt you should know, I’m gay, and currently experiencing feelings unlike any I’ve ever felt before,” Kei’s voice is carefully void of emotion, even if he can feel his cheeks heating, unfortunately.

“What?” Akiteru answers with, moving to stand up.

“I’ll wash up first today, excuse me.”

Kei turns around before he has a chance to really see the expression on his brother’s face, which is exactly the way he wants it, and stomps off, wilfully blocking out whichever words Akiteru throws his way. He’s not interested and does not want to know.

They might be brothers, but Kei is _not_ interested in brotherly bonding.

—

They’re standing by the vending machine closest to the sports hall, having managed to avoid all other students. The rain might be a contributing factor to that, but it doesn’t really matter, so long as they’re alone. He really only needs to say it again. Practice the words. He might have the rest of his life to say them, but they still feel awkward falling from his lips. Like they don’t quite fit yet and he needs to wear them, stretch them, out. He needs the shape of them to belong.

“I’m gay.”

“…”

“Like really gay.”

“…I don’t get what that has to do with extra volleyball practice,” Kageyama frowns.

“Nothing, really,” Kei shrugs, brushing lint off of his shoulder, to show just how little he cares. “I just needed to get you alone to tell you that I’ll be doing my best to sleep with the enemy.”

Eyes widening in realisation, Kageyama pales. “Which team?”

Kei sneers, the absolute stupidity of his teammate leaving an awful taste on his tongue. “Ask which person, you cretin, I’m not trying to date a whole team.”

—

Despite not really caring much about chivalry or the notion of gentlemanliness, Kei isn’t a complete asshole. Yes, he’s a bit of one, but not enough to leave people struggling with more than they can handle. Which is why he’s got two cartons in his arms, following Shimizu, who carries one, into the sports hall, where practice is just about to start. He’s just about managed to set them down and nodded in response to Shimizu’s thanks when he’s confronted by the most energy consuming beings in the team.

“Tsukishima,” Tanaka’s face is serene, void of emotion, but his voice is dripping with contempt, anger mixed with frustration and resentment. It has Kei’s back stiffening, and his eyes narrowing with displeasure.

“You dare,” Nishinoya follows up with, voice equally as drenched in turmoil, face just as scarily collected and composed. They could be carbon copies of each other, basically are, in Kei’s eyes.

Had this been the beginning of the school year Kei would have been a little more apprehensive, careful, with his actions. As is, too long a time has been spent in his upperclassmen’s presence to do anything but feel dissatisfaction and disgust at the mere suggestion of him playing games of seduction. There are other people in the room, the whole team, save for tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum, but Kei’s just about had it with this whole ordeal. Doesn’t care in the least when he stretches, making himself taller than he already is, looking down his nose at the two meatheads in front of him.

“I’m. Gay.”

Kei is so tired. So, so tired, of people being complete and utter morons. He doesn’t even care that he just told the rest of the team too. Doesn’t care what anyone in the room has to say about it. Isn’t even embarrassed, the drainage of his soul rendering him unconcerned for whomever isn’t intimately important to him. And none of them are. Save for possibly Tadashi, but he already knows anyway, so whatever.

He leaves them to get into his practice clothes, not a care left in his body. He _is_ gay. They can deal with it whichever way they choose. As long as he doesn’t have to take part, he’s content.

—

“Why are you even coming along?” Hinata asks, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, gliding even further down into his seat, his posture a disgrace Kei will not even touch upon with a stick. “What evil plans are you concocting?”

“‘Concocting’? Somebody’s picked up a dictionary as of late?” Kei answers, blinking slowly at the other, bored out of his skull. “And if I were, why would I ever tell you? You’re the kind of person who’d get it into their head that they’re meant to stop me.”

“So you _are_ in a devious mood?”

“‘Devious’? Pray tell, have you actually been working on your vocabulary? A lesser man would be impressed.”

“Just answer the question! I’m too weirded out from your presence to fully enjoy the view!”

Raising an eyebrow, Kei bends forward to look out the bus window, utterly unimpressed with the current view of the parking lots of shopping malls. He’s about to speak when he’s interrupted by a sudden gasp.

“You don’t mean to actually crash Kenma’s and my play date!?”

Of all the- “I don’t think that means what you think it means,” is all Kei manages to get out, palming his face and wondering why he has to suffer so many idiot teammates. “But even if it did, the answer is no.”

“Then _why_?”

“You said he and Kuroo are neighbours, right?”

For some reason, this too elicits a gasp from Hinata. “You guys are going to practice blocking aren’t you? Should Kenma and I join? We could go two on two!”

It’s kind of disgusting how in synch Kageyama and Hinata are in their franticness about volleyball. Kei sneers. “Overlooking the fact that Kozume isn’t the type to want to join and that that’s not what’s happening, that’s a hard pass.”

—

The door is a dark wood, intimidating in a way no doors have ever been for Kei before. He knows it’s because he’s stalling and kind of wants to turn around and not look back. A small voice in his head insisting that he’s making a mistake. He’s not his brother though, Kei’s better than that, and refuses to let anyone, not even his own damn self, stop him from doing what he thinks is necessary. So he raises his hand in a closed fist and knocks, heavily, three times on the door, and takes a step back to wait.

His breath is shallow, nerves a tight ball in the depth of his belly, and he scowls irritatedly at the door, wishing he could wrench it out of himself and set it on fire. He hates feeling like this, hates that he has emotions in the first place. It’s a shitty thing, to be so affected by little chemical bursts in his brain.

When the door opens, Kei has to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from sighing in sweet relief that Kuroo is the one to open it. Parents is not something that he’s prepared for. Not now, not ever. Parents are a burden like no other, Kei knows. Blinking back at his silence, Kuroo leans against the door frame and smiles, confusedly, charmingly. He’s absolutely beautiful, and Kei will beat his face in if he dares embarrass him.

“Surprise?” Kei says, disgusted with himself.

“I’d say so,” Kuroo nods, scratching at the side of his face and jutting his hip out even further, letting his head tilt to the side. “What brings you about these parts of Japan?”

And the thing is, Kei wants to speak, and open his mouth to explain exactly why he’s here invading Kuroo’s personal space and life. Only, apparently now his brain has decided that that is far too risky an endeavour to be undertaken. Meaning that Kei only stares at Kuroo in utter horror, trying to wrangle his vocal cords into action.

“And how’d you know I was going to be home?” Kuroo continues, not discouraged in the least from Kuroo’s silence. He pauses for a moment, as if to see whether this question will get an answer, then smiles again, amusedly, stupidly. Kei hates him. “At least come inside, if you’ve come such a long way!”

As Kuroo steps aside, Kei manages to at least get his feet working, stumbling forward and toeing his shoes off in quiet dismay.

Fuck. How was he supposed to know that there’s such a difference between coming out to people and telling somebody that he’s got a massive crush on them and wants to get in their pants? He’s not at all prepared for this he realises, following Kuroo deeper into the house and fumbling for something, anything, to say.

“Tea?” Kuroo asks when they enter the kitchen, gesturing to the table where a ready cup is already placed and reaching for another from the drying rack before Kei can even contemplate whether it will help or not. There’s a computer on the table too, with several tabs open and a notebook with scribbles too small for Kei to make out.

He’s clearly invading on a relaxed day off. He should totally remove himself from the premises and allow Kuroo to continue his day undisturbed. Though the words are right on the tip of his tongue, he doesn’t get the opportunity to voice them, Kuroo’s palm on his shoulder halting him, warm through the fabric of his shirt.

“Tsukki?” he asks, tone serious, worry evident in the furrow of his brow. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m-“ Kei, finally, gets out. Only to pause again, to look down at the floor, unwilling to look at Kuroo any longer. “I’m gay.”

Then the whole world screeches to a halt, because while that had been part of what he wanted to communicate, it had not been the weighty, important part. Had not been the reason for the miles travelled, or time spent worrying about this very moment. “Fuck,” he says, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. “That’s not what I meant to say. I mean, yes it was, but not exactly like that.”

Kuroo only stares at him, unblinkingly, and motions to a chair. “You wanna sit down and talk about it?”

Kei does want to, and does do that, breathing deep before opening his mouth again. “I guess it came out that way because I’ve been going around and telling people, and that’s the easiest way to get it out. I’m not one for embellishing my words much, and I like to avoid discussion that have to do with matters of the heart,” he explains, despite Kuroo knowing him and knowing this. “And don’t get me wrong, it’s been annoying as hell to have to bare my soul to people, if you wanna call it that, and having to wait for their repulsion and horror at it. But I did get it out, at least, which is the important bit. But now I’m here, and I- fuck, I’m not managing at all.”

“Agree to disagree,” Kuroo says, charmingly, the bastard. “But, I feel like I have to ask, seeing as you’re here and all…”

He trails off in a way that makes it clear that he wants Kei to allow it, make some sort of gesture to assure him that questions are okay at this point. Kei can only nod at him, lifting a hand up to bite at the nail of his thumb with a frown.

“…you weren’t thrown out, right? That’s not why you’re here?”

Kuroo’s voice is carefully void of emotion, but the stiff forced calm of his face when Kei looks up at him, makes it clear that he’s anything but emotionally removed from the situation. “What?” He gets out, a buzz in his ears and confusion ladled into his person.

“I need to know that people weren’t fucking assholes about it and that your parents haven’t kicked you out,” Kuroo clarifies, as Kei continues to stare at him. “I mean, it’s not looking good right, you showing up out of nowhere and for once in your life is actually talking about your feelings and not making faces because everything that has anything to do with emotions disgusts you.”

It is, Kei thinks, looking back at his own actions, plausible, but, it is also, so far from the truth that he’s a little stumped. “No?” He gets out, shaking his head and blushing, because god, this is embarrassing. This is beyond embarrassing, how could he not even think about such a misunderstanding of his words being made?

“Oh,” Kuroo breathes out, relief clear in the brightening of his face. He’s handsome, and pretty, and fucking irresistible, Kei’s fingers are itching with the need to grab him and do unspeakable things to him.

“I like you,” he says, finally able to get the words out, and thoroughly enjoying the immediate weight lifted from his shoulders. “That’s why I’m here.”

“You-“ Kuroo starts, but seems unable to figure out exactly what he wants to say.

“So what I wanted to say, was that yes, I am gay, but more importantly, I’m very much interested in exploring that with you.”

Something like a gurgle escapes Kuroo, but Kei’s willing to overlook that, as he follows that up with a tentative confused, but sweet, smile. “Tsukki,” he begins, in that achingly familiar and teasing voice. “Did you come here to seduce me?” he then asks, which, _ugh, disgusting,_ but Kei is still just as disgustingly charmed he can’t help but blush in response.

“You disgust me,” he still says, because he _can’t_ ever let Kuroo ever know just how much he’s affected by him. How much power he wields over his heart.

“No,” Kuroo smiles right back, grin now wide and showing more teeth than should be attractive. “You _like_ me.”

“You know what?” Kei says, standing up and refusing to look at Kuroo, lest his heart gives up and decides that this is too much for him after all. Because Kuroo hasn’t said anything about liking him back, hasn’t done anything to hint at that being a possibility, and Kei refuses to let himself be crushed like this. “I’m just going to go, and we can forget this ever happened.”

He’s crossed the room before Kuroo has the possibility to react, and is out in the hall again when Kuroo finally catches up with him and forces him to stop with a hand around his wrist.

“Tsukki, wait!” He says, still fucking smiling, albeit smaller now, more softly, and Kei hates it, hates this. He wasn’t made to bear such things and be okay afterward. “You can’t just leave after having come all this way!”

“Fucking watch me,” he bites out, looking back down at the floor.

“But then you won’t get to kiss me!”

As if it’s possible, Kei feels his cheeks get even hotter, knows that his chest is probably red from it now to with the way the heat spreads across his own body and makes him shudder from it. “You can’t just say things like that,” he says to the floor, hoping his embarrassment is not as evident as it feels.

“Fucking watch me,” he gets right back, though Kuroo manages to make the words sound sweet and fond.

“Do you really want to?” Kei hesitates. “To kiss me?”

The prolonged pause has him looking up, at Kuroo who stands there and stares right back, like he’s actually thinking hard about the question. Brows furrowed and all.

“I’m not opposed to it,” Kuroo states, like he’s tasting the words as he says it, weighing them for truth. “Yeah, no, you should definitely kiss me.”

“But do you want to?” Kei persists, turning around to try to read the answer in Kuroo’s expression. His wrist is still firmly grasped in Kuroos hand, and he wonders momentarily if his heartbeat is found by the pads of Kuroo’s fingers. He wants to hear it, that Kuroo wants it too, otherwise it doesn’t count. If it’s only okay because Kei wants it and Kuroo’s ready to indulge a poor little boy with a crush, then that’s not it.

“No,” Kuroo breathes, but leans closer before Kei can really register any heartbreak. “I want you to do it.”

If Kuroo couldn’t feel the beat of Kei’s heart before, then he certainly should be able to do so now. Taking a careful breath, Kei tries to calm himself, looks at Kuroo to make sure he means it. Swallows and looks at Kuroo’s mouth, still stretched out into a smile.

He’s untouchable like that, is the thing, a grinning cat playing with his food, ready to pounce but unwilling to do so before his prey relaxes from the lack of his attack. Kei won’t stand for it, frowns as he realises and glares at Kuroo. He’s taller than Kuroo is the thing, even if it rarely feels like it, and it’s easy to look down the nose at people when that’s what his stature naturally lends him. So that’s what he does, for a moment, unwilling to let Kuroo win whatever this challenge is. The he leans in too, closer, only to let his lips brush the side of that stupid grin and slide along his cheek where he stops.

Before Kuroo can say anything, comment on the lack of a proper kiss, Kei pushes, his free hand reaching up to land at the base of Kuroo’s throat and pin him against the wall. Effectively hindering his movement further by letting his whole body follow, Kei moves so that he can see the wide-eyed surprise of Kuroo’s face as he’s stuck between Kei’s body and the wall.

“ _Don’t_ look at me like that,” Kei warns, able to sound angry despite the nerves threatening to have him shake from being so highly strung. When Kuroo opens his mouth, but doesn’t really say anything at all, Kei looks him in the eye, feeling like he’s going to fall apart any minute now.

He doesn’t want that though, doesn’t want to appear as more of a mess than he already is, so he closes his eyes to it and wrenches his hand, finally, out of the grasp of Kuroo’s hand. Lays it against the bone of his jaw and leans forward again, a thumb against the soft curl of the edge of Kuroo’s mouth to guide him.

It’s a softer kiss than either of them probably expect, just the light press of lips to lips and then retreat. Kuroo didn’t even respond, his mouth lax and unmoving. Fortunately, when Kei tilts his head further and kisses him again he does, a barely there press in response, but there nonetheless. The third kiss is the best, because when Kei let’s his tongue brush against Kuroo’s lower lip for the first time, Kuroo gasps into him. A gasp that turns into a choked groan, not necessarily sexual in nature, when Kei’s hands flexes from the surprise of it and happens to tighten his grasp around Kuroo’s throat.

He leans back a little then, calculating, and wondering at the faint blush across Kuroo’s cheeks. Kei _did say_ he wanted to experiment, right?

Kuroo’s not smiling anymore, only stares daringly back at Kei, like he too is a little embarrassed from this turn of events. He closes his eyes, when Kei presses forward with his hand, like he’s resigned to his own fate, and Kei feels like he’ll faint from the way Kuroo bites at his own lip to muffle the grunt he releases when his airways are further blocked, throat working against him, adam’s apple bobbing.

“A little too much for a first date, don’t you think?” Kuroo says then, eyes still closed, voice thick with _something_ that Kei does not dare to think about.

He stumbles back, shoving his hands into his armpits like they’re at risk of making decisions of their own unless confined. With his stumbling, he too becomes aware of his own body’s reaction to his previous actions, wishing to also cover himself with his already busy hands. Basically crashing into the wall opposite the one Kuroo’s leaning against, he looks up in absolute horror. It’s a strange realisation, what he’s done, since it’s not like he was unaware of his actions whilst.

Like with the pop of a balloon, he’s wrenched out of the strange calm and into shock. “Fuck,” he gasps, gliding along the wall to the floor to be able to press his face to his knees. “I’m sorry.”

He’s shaking, like a leaf. Disgusted with himself, his actions. Cause Kuroo had never actually said yes to that, didn’t say he wanted to, did he? And doing any such thing without consent is taking advantage. _Fuck_. Kei’s going to throw up.

“Hey, no,” Kuroo says somewhere above him, and Kei flinches when Kuroo’s hand tries to land on his arm as he’s leaning down. “Hey,” Kuroo tries again, sounding like he’s talking to a spooked animal. Which is basically what Kei is, right? A fucking _animal_. He’s supposed to be better than this.

Kei hick-ups, when he opens his mouth to try to say something, like he’s suddenly drunk from emotions only. And this is why he doesn’t bother, this is why he doesn’t want to feel. It’s too messy. Too much.

“Jesus fuck,” Kuroo sighs into the air, hand landing instead of on Kei’s arm on his head. Patting him, with clear uncertainty. A _there there_ of awkwardness and hesitancy. It shouldn’t be as comforting as it is, but Kei feels winded, feels like another breath might actually truly break him, so he retorts once more to silence. “I think that was a little too much in too little time for the both of us, right? Cause while that was great, I was not much prepared for it.”

Kei’s glasses feel like they’re slightly crushing his nose, digging into the bridge of it as he keep his face mashed into his knees, unwilling to look up.

“Please don’t cry on my floor, Tsukki, I swear the couch is much better for it,” Kuroo tries, gently tugging at his arm.

“M’not crying,” Kei whispers, not sure whether that’s a lie or not.

“Well, the couch is still a whole lot better than the floor, crying or not.”

Still, Kei doesn’t move. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he feels like he’d be physically unable to stand up right now.

“Look, how about we just kiss a little more and I’ll take a rain check on the choking, okay?”

“You’re an idiot,” Kei says into his knees, unable to put any actual disgust into his voice.

“Totally, you’re absolutely right,” Kuroo agrees, pulling a little more on Kei’s arm. “Let’s go to the couch and you can tell me even more lies about how much you hate me and want to kill me, sounds great right? And then, we can kiss again. Win-win, right?”

Kei doesn’t know what to say to that, but he also doesn’t want to not say anything, because as it turns out, that’s road leads to a whole lot of issues. he settles for a simplistic: “I don’t know what to say,” and calls it a day.

“Whatever is fine, just keep talking, and we’ll be absolutely fine. Now do you want to go to the couch or should I just give up and sit down here with you?”

Kei still isn’t sure whether his legs will be able to bear him.

“Let’s stay here,” he mumbles, moving his face from his knees finally and pressing his hands to it instead.

“Okay,” Kuroo says, and settles down beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Now, this is not me asking you to leave, but when do you have to? Like, how much time do we have to make sense of this?”

Scooting down slightly, to better settle into Kuroo’s side, Kei gets his phone out of his pocket. “I’d say four or five hours.”

“Excellent!” Kuroo claims, patting one of Kei’s knees with his free hand. “Then let’s get talking!”

“I’m not good at talking,” Kei admits, knowing that Kuroo knows this. He swallows before leaning his head to rest on the shoulder of the arm curled around his neck. “I’m not good with emotions.”

“I’ll just be good enough for both of us then!” Kuroo answers, sounding pleased, and then leans his head to rest against the top of Kei’s. “Just don’t freak out again, and we’re good to go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was just a little much, is all.”

“I really do like you.”

“Tell me more; whisper sweet nothings into my ears and choke me until I weep.”

“You’re so fucking weird.”

Kuroo kisses his forehead at that, and doesn’t protest in the slightest to the statement. “I’m just playing, you see, I’m not necessarily the best at emotions either, so I gotta filter it out with some stupidity to not gag at the seriousness of the situation.”

Kei raises his head at that, to turn it and look at Kuroo’s face. He smiles, and Kei wobbles one back at him.

“I like you too, by the way.”

“Really?”

“A bit.”

Then Kuroo kisses Kei’s cheek and pushes his head back down to his shoulder.

“A big bit. Meteor sized.”

“So fucking stupid.”

—

"So how'd your thing with Kuroo-san go?" Hinata asks, sipping on a banana milk carton and wiggling to find a good position in the seat.

"Great, we're boyfriends now," Kei answers, monotone, scrolling through his instagram feed and trying to not have his brain melt through his ears at making such a statement.

"Cool," Hinata nods, looking down at Kei's phone too, leaning too far into Kei's personal space. Then he blanches back, shaking his head like he's trying to clear those words right out of his head. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I'm gay."

**Author's Note:**

> Don't even ask me what this is, I don't know. But thanks for reading, and commenting if you choose to do so! It is much appreciated!
> 
> Also, had a potential brush with the virus and have not met another person in like three weeks or something, so I guess my brain isn't really where it should be, yay.


End file.
